I don’t want a different dream. I want to live my dream differently.

Some questions look simple until you try to answer them honestly.

“What’s something you do completely differently from how you were raised?”

For me, the answer isn’t about food, clothes, habits, or lifestyle.

It is about how I imagine my life.

I grew up in a village environment where traditions had a strong place in everyday life. Since Class 10, I have mostly lived away from home for my studies and career. For nearly the last ten years, home has often meant returning during Diwali, spending some time with my family, and then leaving again.

Living away from home changes you.

You begin to see your upbringing from a little distance—not necessarily with rejection, but with perspective.

And somewhere along the way, I realised something:

I can love where I come from and still choose to do some things differently.

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🌱 My Roots Matter to Me

I don’t believe that being modern means forgetting your roots.

I love many things about our culture—the festivals, the warmth of family, traditions, rituals, Indian values, and the feeling of belonging that comes with them.

But I have also learned that not everything passed from one generation to another has to be carried forward unquestioned.

Some traditions preserve beauty.

Some preserve wisdom.

And some simply preserve old inequalities.

For me, the challenge is learning to tell the difference.

My village gave me roots.

Education gave me perspective.

Living away from home gave me independence.

And life taught me that all three can exist together.

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❤️ I Believe in Marriage—Just Not in One-Sided Sacrifice

I do believe in marriage.

I do imagine a family.

I do want children someday.

I dream of a beautiful home, meaningful work, financial independence, travelling around the world, and eventually reaching a peaceful stage of life where I can look back and feel that I truly lived.

So no, I don’t reject the traditional dream.

I simply don’t want society to decide the timeline or the rules of that dream for me.

I don’t understand why marriage has to happen at a particular “right age.”

Why does every stage of a woman’s life come with a deadline?

“Ab shaadi kar lo.”

“Ab bachche kar lo.”

“Ab settle ho jao.”

But perhaps life isn’t a checklist.

Perhaps two people should decide when they are ready—not society.

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🌸 Adjustment Should Never Mean Losing Yourself

One thing I have always struggled to understand is the glorification of women’s sacrifice.

A woman is often praised for adjusting.

Adjusting with her in-laws.

Adjusting with her husband.

Adjusting with expectations.

Adjusting with responsibilities.

Adjusting with how she speaks, dresses, behaves and even what she wants.

And sometimes, the same women who were once asked to tolerate everything pass the same expectations to the next generation.

“Maine bhi saha hai, tum bhi seh lo.”

But why?

If something caused pain in one generation, shouldn’t the next generation be the one that finally ends it?

Why should suffering become a family tradition?

I don’t want to inherit someone’s pain and call it culture.

I don’t hate adjustment.

I hate one-sided adjustment.

In a relationship, both people should sometimes bend.

Both should listen.

Both should compromise.

Both should grow.

That is partnership.

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💔 A Marriage Should Never Be a Transaction

Another thing I strongly disagree with is dowry.

A daughter’s marriage should not become a financial transaction between families.

Her worth shouldn’t be measured by what she brings.

A groom shouldn’t become more valuable because of his salary, job title or family status.

And a bride’s family shouldn’t have to prove their love by spending beyond their means.

Marriage should begin with two human beings choosing each other—not with negotiations over money and possessions.

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🕉️ Tradition and Equality Can Exist Together

I don’t want to throw away Indian traditions.

I can imagine myself wearing traditional clothes, participating in pheras, applying sindoor, celebrating festivals and building a family with Indian values.

But I also want something equally important:

Equality.

For me, the beauty of Shiva and Parvati—or the deeper symbolism of Ardhanarishwar—is not about one person being above the other.

It represents two complementary energies.

Strength and compassion.

Independence and togetherness.

Two individuals who can stand beside each other without one having to become smaller.

That’s the kind of relationship I understand.

Not:

“You adjust because you are the woman.”

But:

“We adjust because we are partners.”

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🏡 Marriage Is Between Two People

Families matter.

They should matter.

They can provide love, support, guidance and a sense of belonging.

But ultimately, it is two people who have to live the relationship every single day.

Two people who wake up together.

Two people who disagree.

Two people who make decisions.

Two people who face difficult days.

Two people who grow old together.

If those two people don’t understand or respect each other, the involvement of ten families cannot manufacture happiness.

Sometimes, too much family involvement can make a relationship more complicated rather than more beautiful.

I don’t want a marriage where I have to constantly ask:

“What will everyone think?”

I want a marriage where two people can ask:

“What is right for us?”

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🌍 The Life I Actually Want

Interestingly, my dream isn’t radically different from what many people dream of.

I want love.

I want marriage.

I want children.

I want a family.

I want a beautiful home.

I want meaningful work.

I want financial independence.

I want to travel the world.

I want to create things.

I want to keep learning.

And one day, I want to retire peacefully, surrounded by memories rather than regrets.

The dream is actually quite traditional.

The way I want to reach it is different.

I don’t want to rush because everyone else is rushing.

I don’t want to sacrifice my identity to prove that I am a “good” woman.

I don’t want to measure my happiness by how perfectly I fit into someone else’s expectations.

I want to build a life where love and individuality can coexist.

Where family and freedom can coexist.

Where tradition and equality can coexist.

Where togetherness doesn’t require losing yourself.

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🌿 Maybe This Is What Growing Up Really Means

For a long time, I thought growing up meant becoming more like the people who raised me.

Now I think it means something else.

Growing up means understanding what they gave you—and deciding consciously what you want to carry forward.

Some things I will carry with immense gratitude.

Some things I will modify.

And some things I will leave behind.

Not because I don’t respect the people before me.

But because their lives belonged to their time.

And mine belongs to mine.

I can respect my parents and still disagree with them.

I can love my culture and still question some of its practices.

I can honour my roots without allowing my roots to become boundaries.

Different thinking is not disrespect.

Sometimes, it is simply another form of growth.

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🌺 SHREEBIRD Thought

Maybe we don’t always need to choose between tradition and modernity.

Maybe we need to learn how to preserve the beautiful parts of tradition while having the courage to change the harmful ones.

I don’t want to reject my roots.

I simply don’t want every belief I inherited to automatically become my belief.

I want to question.

I want to understand.

I want to choose consciously.

And perhaps that is the most honest answer to the question:

What do I do differently from how I was raised?

I don’t necessarily want a completely different life.

I want a life that feels completely mine.

A life where I can carry my roots in my heart…

without carrying every limitation that came with them.

🌿 Traditional dream.
Individual timeline.
Mutual respect.
My own terms.

And maybe that’s not rebellion.

Maybe that’s simply becoming yourself.

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💭 What about you?

Is there something you still respect about the way you were raised—but have consciously decided to do differently?

Maybe your answer is not about breaking away.

Maybe it is about evolving.

Tell me your story.

Because sometimes, the most meaningful changes in our lives begin with one simple question:

“Do I truly believe this—or have I simply inherited it?”

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🌸 SHREEBIRD Recommendations

If this thought made you reflect on relationships, individuality, personal growth and Indian philosophy, you may also enjoy exploring:

📚 Books on relationships, self-growth and emotional intelligence
📖 Journals for self-reflection and life planning
✍️ Thoughtful stationery for personal writing
🏡 Books and décor inspired by Indian philosophy
🎧 Audiobooks on relationships, psychology and personal growth

Some recommendations may contain affiliate links. If you purchase through them, SHREEBIRD may earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. Your support helps keep this space growing. ❤️

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🌺 SHREEBIRD

Read. Reflect. Create. Grow.

Personal Stories • Books • Spirituality • Ideas • Life Lessons

Writer: SHIVASHRI GUPTAA
Website: shreebird.wordpress.com

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